I went to university like many girls. Hoping I would find my husband (lol). I imagined walking across campus and dropping my books all over the floor, and having a handsome stranger with a killer smile and a heart of gold come and pick them up. Our eyes would meet and the rest would be history. Yes, I must disclaim this painfully overrated, rom-com garb is what I, like so many girls, imagine at some point or other. But what I realised, which I am so grateful for, is that knowing yourself and finding your own happiness first is so much more important than diving straight into relationships not knowing who you are.
Relationships are complicated as hell to say the least. We lose ourselves in them and in the moments of compromise. Not that relationships aren´t important, please...that is NOT what I´m saying. I´m just saying, before I get hella deep, that I believe finding yourself is super super important whilst you´re single, to help you discover what you want out of love and life and your journey.
So, I took myself on a date a little while ago and here's why I believe dating yourself is so important. The start to my significant independent experiences was in my first year of uni. I was shoved right out of my comfort zone from the comfort of high school into the big pond that is uni. I went through so much social anxiety and often felt so alone in a crowded room. I must say, I´m so grateful for those awkward times, when I felt out of place, as if I didn´t belong, because it forced me to become comfortable in my own bubble of being and forget about worrying what others thought about me.
By learning how to spend time alone, whether it was a simple coffee date or an adventure on my own, simply exploring somewhere new, I grew into appreciating and being comfortable with myself in the spaces I occupied. My biggest independent experience thus far was going away alone without my family for work. On a ship. In the middle of the ocean. I did some work for the department of Environmental Affairs during their 5 week expedition to the Comoros and Tanzania. I was doing photography. Granted, I did know two people on the ship and met many amazing new friends, but my experience gave me the chance to truly test out my independence and showed me how much I had grown and how many areas I still felt needed work.
Learning to know myself, taught me to grow into my skin and to love myself, instead of waiting for someone else to come along to love me. I learnt that being able to love yourself will always be the love to catch you when you fall, when no one else is there to. And if it wasn´t there in the first place, no amount of convincing from other people is gonna suddenly conjure it up. Self love is a decision only YOU can make and once you choose it consciously, it´ll change your life forever.
I remember a time when I would base my level of confidence for a particular day on whether or not guys were checking me out. I remember a time when I would look in the mirror and hate on myself, ¨you´re so ugly/hideous¨ was often a phrase that would escape my mouth or bounce around in my head. That has, thankfully changed. I don't dress up for anyone else, I do it for me!! and I always aim to walk with confidence like its a damn diamond necklace hanging from my neck. Proud, head held high, confident and bold. I made the conscious decision to stop the negative cycle and love myself for me, especially with my flaws in tow. That day was a game changer and only positivity and self-love has flowed since. I´ll say it again, self love is a conscious decision only YOU can make.
Now this is not me tryna sound like I´m some kinda self-confidence, independence, self love hero. I have my days when simply looking in the mirror brings thoughts of negativity and where seeking affirmation from others is a daily struggle, or where I don't feel like being in my own bubble and crave company, but what I am saying is that I´m a lot better off than I was 3 years ago. The time i took to get to know myself and learn to love myself and grow my confidence is so precious. These years are the ones I will look back on and be so grateful for, that I didn't dive too quickly into unnecessary relationships before I was ready.
Love yourself. Find you and find your own happiness. It was and always is inside you.
Stay blooming, Jess x